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Fast food is booming and waistlines are ballooning. Everywhere consumers look they’re inundated with ads for easy meals at restaurants specifically designed to give them a quick, cheap fix. And, amid all the commercials, certain patterns keep coming up because–let’s face it–there just aren’t that many ways to appeal to consumers. So, for your amusement, here are the 8 basic types of fast food commercials, and what they imply about the consumer.

1) The Super Sexualized

It’s all about the sex. Whether it’s Padma Lakshmi eating a juicy burger in slow motion or a scantily clad Paris Hilton doing her thing on behalf of Carl’s Jr, it’s a surefire attention getter. T, A, and innuendo trump the actual product any day of the week.

What it’s implying:

Since it’s unlikely you’ll be able to have sex with a beautiful woman whenever the thought crosses your mind, you might as well indulge in some high calorie gut bombs instead.

2) The Condescending

They look you in the eye and talk directly to you…slowly. They pronounce the words carefully so you won’t get confused, or maybe they just give you a little jingle. Because, well, who doesn’t love a good jingle? And, in case you’re still not getting it, they’ll gladly repeat it for you.

What it’s implying:

You’re uneducated and uncomfortable with the things “fancy people” like, but you can take comfort in finding a quick bite to eat in a place that won’t ever judge you for being a moron.

3) The Healthy Choice

Sure fast food is unhealthy. Everyone knows that. But, that’s only if you order the wrong thing. Ignore all the high fat, high calorie menu options and make the smart choice by picking one of the few items you can be proud to eat.

What it’s implying:

We’re on your side, and because we care about your health so much, you should reward us with your money. Please ignore the fact that we only have a handful of healthy items on the menu and just order a 12 inch meatball sub.

4) The Stoner-Centric

The 2am shift’s bread and butter, Stoners warrant their own set of ads. Not only that, but sometimes it seems like half the fast food menu items are geared specifically toward this snack coveting niche. They’ve gotta eat somewhere, so it might as well be here.

What it’s implying:

Dude, we know why you’re here, and we’re not about to judge. Order whatever you want and as much of it as you’d like. Just make sure your credit card doesn’t get declined.

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