1) “Did you ever stop to taste a carrot? Not just eat it, but taste it? You can’t taste the beauty and energy of the earth in a Twinkie.” – Astrid Alauda
But when the apocalypse comes, you can’t store a carrot indefinitely.
2) “Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn.” – Garrison Keillor
C’mon Mr. Keillor, you know how you always mix up the words “corn” and “sex.”
3) “The more you eat, the less flavor; the less you eat, the more flavor.” – Chinese Proverb
I’m pretty sure the thousands of loyal customers at the Old Country Buffet would beg to differ.
4) “Food is an important part of a balanced diet.” – Fran Lebowitz
Yogi Berra couldn’t have said it better himself.
5) “Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” – Jim Davis
Obviously, lasagna is also an essential.
6) “Toots Shore’s restaurant is so crowded nobody goes there anymore.” – Yogi Berra
Sorry Fran, Yogi is still the king.
7) “I eat merely to put food out of my mind.” – N.F. Simpson
That means you’re not doing it right.
8) “It is illegal to give someone food in which has been found a dead mouse or weasel.” – Ancient Irish law
Actually, this sounds pretty reasonable.
9) “You can’t get ice cream out of shit…I don’t care how much you stir.” – Unknown.
True, but there has got to be a more eloquent way to make the same point.
10) “As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal.” – Mr. T.
It’s hard to pity the fo’ on an empty stomach.