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6) Asking the cashier any sort of “product question”

The time to determine whether your peaches are organic isn’t when there are five impatient people being inconvenienced behind you. Chances are there was a huge sign right by the produce that already told you, but even if there wasn’t, the “I don’t give a shit” look on the cashier’s face should tell you you’re barking up the wrong tree. If non-organic is going to be a deal breaker, just leave them at the front and enjoy your 100% organic Lean Cuisine meal, sans fruit.

7) Treating the self-checkout like some crazy machine from the future

You scan an item and place it in the bag. It’s not that hard. Yes, it uses touch-screen technology and occasionally beeps at you for no reason, but that’s no reason to stare at it like you need someone else to come simultaneously turn their key and help you enter the launch codes. If you find it that intimidating, why don’t you just stick to the checkout line. Plus, we know you’re gonna be paying by check anyway.

8) Making small talk with the cashier that carries over past their actual purchase

Friendly is one thing, but sometimes it crosses over to just being sad and lonely. We’re pretty sure the cashier was just being nice when she asked, “How are you doing?” and didn’t intend to get your entire life story. She finished ringing you up two minutes ago and you’re still giving her the lowdown on the doctor’s appointment that proved “inconclusive.” Let’s get a move on and find some real friends. Thanks, champ.

9) Providing unnecessary detail about what they’re planning to cook

“Don’t you just love these granola bars?” No, we don’t. “I’m having some people over this weekend for a barbecue!” Oh, really? We just assumed you loved hot dogs soooo much you wanted three dozen for yourself. Look guy, we really don’t care what you’re up to, we just want you to get out of here and hop to it as quickly as possible.

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