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5) Bloody Tampon

Ingredients: Tomato Juice, Vodka, and a rolled up napkin

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You suck on the napkin (after it’s been soaking in the drink) and then take the shot. Not sure where the name comes from…

4) Pink Penicillin

Ingredients: 1/3 99 Bananas, 1/3 Midori melon liqueur, 1/3 half and half, and a dash of grenadine

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For anyone that ever wished they could eat an entire bag of Runts and simultaneously get hammered, this shot is your dream come true. For everyone else, it’s probably a good one to avoid.

3) Mustache Ride

Ingredients: Equal parts Everclear, Butterscotch Schnapps, and chocolate milk

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There’s a reason skeezy guys wear t-shirts declaring “free mustache rides.” Not a lot of demand. Plus, anyone who decides to accept the offer will definitely regret it in the morning.

2) Everclear

Ingredients: Just a healthy pour of the 190 proof classic.

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If rubbing alcohol were actually potable then that would be the only real substitute. Otherwise you have to take comfort in knowing that a mere 85% alcohol is as close as you’ll ever get to cutting out everything but the good stuff.

1) Urine Sample

Ingredients: Half tequila and half 151, heated slightly for maximum enjoyment

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The only thing better than booze is warm booze, and with an alcohol content high enough to make Kiefer Surtherland think twice, this shot walks away with the title hands down.

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