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As I wandered into a Starbucks a few days ago I was distraught to see the menu was now giving me more than just prices, it was also serving up a little slice of unwanted knowledge. Sure I knew this was coming, and I’d read about similar bits of legislation forcing large chains to display nutrition information, but, that hardly softens the sting of staring at bold text telling you your White Chocolate Mocha is going to have over 500 calories. I know it’s awful for me, it’s frickin’ White Chocolate, it’s not gonna be healthy. But why do you need to rub it in my face that I’m drinking a quarter pounder with cheese. C’mon!

This new law is shaming me into drinking Americanos by day, only to stuff my face with leftover Christmas fudge later that evening when there’s not a giant menu trying to influence my every move. It seems like we’ve effectively turned every chain restaurant’s menu into the guy who smugly asks, “Did you know smoking is bad for you?” every time someone lights a cigarette. And, even as a non-smoker, I totally hate that guy…

Why can’t you let me pretend Green Tea equals healthy?

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