​Wednesday nights will be off limits again for food lovers with cable, barring the use of DVRs of course. The circus created to keep viewers from straying from Bravo after Project Runway (before the hostile takeover by Lifetime) is back and more lesbian’d and tattooed than ever. Spoiler alert for all you DVR folks.

1. Lots of whiskey drinking ahead.

The elimination “vice” challenge highlighted the new crop of chef’s love of that blithe spirit, whiskey. Casting directors know that big chef personalities + Vegas + awesome pool + bourbon = great television. We’re looking forward to lots of drunken merriment in future episodes.

2. Top Lesbian Chef?

Season 6 *seems* to have an unusually dense population of lady lovin ladies. Perhaps the level of butchness comes from the large ratio of mannish haircuts, piercings and tats among the female contestants, but whatever their sexual preference, these gals can cook! We have confirmed that the androgynously beautiful Preeti is, in fact, female and not a 12 year old Indian boy.

3. Please. Hire. Wolfgang.

Annoying accent, hilarious commentary. Between baby food and flying donuts, we laughed out loud at what tends to be an intense and overly self-important display from Gail, Padma and Tom. Bravo, we’re begging you. We need the laughs.

4. Tattoos R Us

Tattoos are the new chef accessories, aside from crocs and a nice set of knives. Sleeves are more prevalent than past seasons as well as creepy piercings. The alterna-mom, Jennifer, who didn’t make the cut for what we think is a crappy vegan chile relleno, was actually kicked off due to ‘excessive use of earlobe stretchy things.’

5. Lots of foreign dudes.

The success of the quirky and charming Fabio from Season 5 taught Bravo that accents lead to ratings. We’ve got the Inigo Montoya-esque Puerto Rican (who deep fried a steak?!), the tiny, cute Frenchman who sounds like a French version of the Muppet’s Swedish Chef (complete with a tiny red scarf around his neck) and the not-so-eloquent Haitian (the token black guy), who does not quite understand the meaning of the word, vice.

6. Padma still has it.

Always sounding calm and rehearsed, Padma’s buttery hosting style has always been leaps and bounds above her incredibly awkward predecessor, Katie Lee Joel. Her dress at Judges Table momentarily made us forget the show was about food, not fashion. She could tell us to “pack our knives and go,” any day.

7. Easily recognizable roles.

Here’s the breakdown (and a way to probably tell who’s going to stay longer than the others).

  • Bearded, fun-loving gnome-ish guy who can cook up a storm–we predict he’ll be in the finals.
  • Lesbians (see #5).
  • Intense blonde girl–another prediction for the finals.
  • Boring blonde Michigan gal–thinking her or the Haitian will be gone next week.
  • Foreign dudes (see #5).
  • The villain: Mike, who stated during the quickfire, “A girl shouldn’t be at the same level as me,”–finals written all over him.
  • The younger, quirky dude, who uses beer powder in his first dish.
  • Older lady cancer survivor with the ironic immunity.
  • Under the radar, kinda boring girl, who we still know nothing about.
  • The competing brothers.
  • Last, but not least, the gay New Yorker.

To check out all the cheftestants, click here.

Wednesdays, it’s on!

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