Tiger woods favorite road meal

Flickr: Jefferson Bernades

​In learning about Tiger Wood’s discerning taste in women after the infamous Thanksgiving car accident, we also learned many things about his taste in restaurants. As Tiger returns to the golf spotlight amidst a swarm of guaranteed media frenzy, we assume some of his favorite meals to eat out were among the following…

1) Mammoth Muffin

Nope, it’s not a euphemism for something more sinister, but the name of a large muffin served at the popular breakfast-oriented chain, Perkins. A regular breakfast customer, along with the rest of his family, Tiger allegedly met waitress and mistress Mindy Lawton there. Classy.

2) The Craft Services Table at a Porn Shoot

Probably the last place you’d actually want to eat, but given Tiger’s history with porn actresses, it’s only natural that he’d probably partaken of the fruits of this table.

3) Hooter’s Wings

Boobs. Panty hose. Orange shorts. Wing sauce. Also, one of his lovely maidens happened to be a Hooter’s girl. Did we also mention that she was the mother of a 7-year-old son? The hits just keep on coming.

4) All-You-Can-Eat Buffet at Any Strip Club

As stated above, add boobs (preferably fake) to the culinary equation, and Tiger is probably a regular customer. Add some horribly dried-up, deep-fried and un-appetizing food to the mix along with some killer drink specials, and you’ve got a Tigerrific meal on your hands.

5) Grand Slam from Denny’s

It aptly describes his sexual habits, involves a breakfast restaurant (see #1) and probably harbors some pretty hot/trashy/meth-smoking waitresses. It’s also great after a hot night of picking up Vegas cocktail waitresses and schtupping porn stars.

6) Dumpster Food

Because he’s pretty much a dirty, dirty scoundrel, and dirty scoundrels (like rats), like to eat trash…in this case, it’s more ways than one. Blech.

The only thing nastier than his love of trash is probably his “club”, since the running theme heard from his string of conquests was that Tiger was not fond of using a “cover” for his “putter,” if you know what we mean.