Presumably, Jack Bauer eats at least a couple of times during a season of 24. How else would he fuel his bad-assedness? Assuming all of his snacking comes during those convenient commercial breaks, we picked out a few items he’s probably munching on for much-needed energy to fight terrorists; domestic and abroad.
1) Protein Bars
They fit in a pocket or gun holster easily, provide lots of protein (duh), carbs and everything else needed to drop-kick a would-be suicide bomber encroaching upon the United States’ presidential motorcade. He could rip that sucker open and chow down in less than 2 minutes. Product placement opportunity perhaps?
2) Hot Pockets
So we found another way to weasel the infamous Hot Pocket into a post. We see the newest tag line: Hot Pockets, for those times you’re fighting off a possible assassin and have a microwave close by.
There’s only so many protein bars that will get you through an entire 24-hour day, and when you want a hot meal (with a slightly frozen center), pop that bad boy into the nuclear reactor for 1 second, and you’ve got dinner.
3) Minute Steak
While it may seem a little ridiculous, we realize Jack Bauer would probably not feasibly be able to make this recipe while hunting down threats to our national security, but then again, what about this list isn’t ridiculous? However, due to the name and novelty of the whole deal, we couldn’t resist including it in the list when we found “Kiefer Sutherland’s Minute Steak with Mushrooms” recipe online. Just add the phrase, “after shoveling down your throat, continue with mission to prevent the obliteration of earth.”
4) Red Bull
While most people would argue that this isn’t officially “food,” we’d have to refer you to several college students and a few rogue ravers that would beg to differ. Why not coffee you ask? It’s too hot to guzzle quickly. Why not other energy drinks? They’re too big to guzzle efficiently. Trust us, we’ve put some Dwight Schrute-like thought into this one. Red Bull would definitely be the way it would shake down.
As the newest tag line states, “because you’re not you when you’re hungry.” We’d hate to see Jack Bauer morph into Betty White in the midst of a gun battle or karate chop. He could even rip open this chocolaty-peanutty-nougatty confection while he stopped to relieve himself and kill two birds with one stone.
|Flickr: capitan jen|
Aside from opening the pesky packaging, a Lunchable seems to be one of the most viable options from this list. It’s got processed meat, cheese and crackers, and if he has the fancy one stashed away, he might be able to slurp up some apple sauce. We’re guessing it might be the easiest to eat while riding in the trunk of a car after he’s been kidnapped or taken hostage.
7) Frozen Burrito
While he may carry it initially as an alternative weapon, it may be thawed enough to eat by hour 22, right before the day is saved and the people of earth go on to live in peace and harmony…at least until the next season starts next fall.
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