?Since it’s been a running theme for the last few weeks, we have to say, we’re a little disappointed in Bravo’s decision to lower the lesbian quotient of Top Chef this week. Our prediction that the Haitian be deported (from the show, not the country) fell short, although we will continue to predict his downfall until it actually happens; because when times get boring, the boring get kicked off reality shows. We knew our calculation was off at the first mention of the words “pasta” and “salad.”

Seeming more scripted than usual, if that’s even possible, the show had the sappy patriotic feel of a small town’s Independence day parade down main street. The warm fuzzies translated to wet blanket, but we’d have to be the worst Americans ever to poke any more fun at the clich├ęd military references.

While the chefs were busy gushing over the emotional impact of this challenge–(which we totally agree with, but gah), they forgot to cook the food that people tune in to watch every week. Some of the underwhelmingly boring dishes included pulled pork and potato salad (although it wowed the judges), pasta salad, clam chowder, and a Greek salad with shrimp that looked as limp as (insert sexual innuendo here).

Highlights included: watching hard ass Jennifer manage the kitchen like an air traffic controller while maintaining her grace, transformations of a slab of bacon into an elegant appetizing pork belly dish, gratuitous leg shots of Padma emerging from a military Humvee and the entire judges table ripping Laurine and Preeti a new one for creating the Top Chef kiss of death, pasta freakin salad. Poor Preeti didn’t stand a chance.

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