12 Things Your First Date Restaurant Says About You

The restaurant you choose for a first date is a pretty big deal. Where you go can send a clear message to your date about you as a person, and how you expect the night to turn out. Below we’ve listed 12 restaurant options and what they convey to your date – that way, the next time you’re looking for a one night stand, you’ll know to shell out some dinero at Ruth’s Chris first.

1) Fast Food = “I’m Broke”

If you want to make it clear to your date that you’re not Mr. Moneybags and you’ll likely hit her up for cash on a regular basis should you two decide to go steady, a fast food restaurant is your best bet. It’s quick, cheap, and has nothing to hide–just like you.

2) Nice Steakhouse = “I Want to Get Laid”

If you’re hoping to impress the panties off your lady friend, take her out for some grass fed, dry aged cow and a bottle of wine older than she is. Classic, classy food is always a date pleaser, so put on a nice shirt, take your date for some perfectly cooked beef, and hope that your night ends with “dessert” at your place.

3) Mexican Restaurant = “We’re Not Having Sex”

Nervous about how you’ll perform in the bedroom? No problem, just take your lady friend out for some Mexican and encourage her to get the chimichanga grande. Even if she orders something sensible, we’ve already established that tortilla chips and salsa are a surefire way to fill anyone’s tummy, so combine that and a couple caloric margaritas and you’re ending the night with a demure peck on the cheek.

4) Ethiopian / Trinidadian / or Other Obscure Country = “I’m Super Pretentious”

Want to show your date your ridiculously useless knowledge of food from third world countries? Take her to the lone Ethiopian restaurant in a 50 mile radius and boast about how you “come here all the time.” Bonus points are awarded if you order from the menu using a ridiculously over-enunciated, forced accent. Nothing says “I’m better than you” than obscure food and a botched dialect.

5) Buffet = “I’m All About Quantity Over Quality”

Like sex but aren’t any good at it? Set expectations low by taking your lady out for a buffet. Nothing emphasizes quantity over quality like “all you can eat”; that way, she’ll be able to put 2 and 2 together when you not-rock her world in a tepid 3 minute roll in the hay.

6) Seafood Restaurant = “You Better Not Be High Maintenance”

Want to weed out the a-holes with fish allergies or those whiny turds who are picky about everything? Take your date out for some seafood! If she refuses because she’s allergic, Darwin just did you a favor and you can go back to the drawing board. If she complies but orders chicken, you’ll know that you’ve got a fussy one on your hands.